Lox - Archived Entries for 2010 / 6

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For what is worth: [Sunday 27th June 2010]

I have spent the last weekend together with Gianfranco, Federico and Simone at the seaside, to be more precise we slept at Federico's place Livorno and we just chilled out for a couple of days.

The little break was quite great, mostly because the events of the last month have drained a lot of energies from me and it was nice to unplug for a little.

So the weekend was good, guys and girls take note, I repeat the weekend was good.

On Saturday we got talking at dinner about several things, among which the most important was the view that we have on the Role Playing Games nights that every now and then we still manage to have.
To be honest the scope of the discussion in my opinion was a little larger, and here is what got me thinking for quite a bit of time...

How do you rate yourself as a friend? How important is friendship for you?

Ok, far shot here, but this is my take on things:

I always viewed friendship as a very important thing, and by that I mean that I put certain aspects of friendship at the same level as I put the relationship with a partner, who technically is also a friend.

At the same time, since we are not at university anymore, those few times when I make an appointment with some friends, I try not to postpone or cancel unless something major occurs. It doesn't matter what you do, it matters that you see those people.

Well, the whole discussion revolved around the fact that in Simone's view it's ok to ditch an appointment with some friends if there is "something better" to do (from girls, to whatever else is deemed as "better"), and to me that is something that I wouldn't dream of doing in the first place, but it's also a sign of disrespect towards the fact that other people did allot some of their time to be together and cancelling everything because "there is better to do" is not very nice...

I think that the fact that we were talking about RPGs probably created some confusion, as for some strange reason that activity is considered "B" class, but it's not what you do is who you see that drives me to play these games at the green age of 35.

In short, I realized that the efforts that I put in relationships (outside from the couple environment), are probably too many and probably badly addressed.
Sometimes I wish I could be that selfish, I guess that I used to be like that but my parents were very strict on this point and gave me a different education.

I am not saying that I am right or wrong, because there IS no universal approved way of living one's life so I cannot criticize anyone for being different, it's just a different way of attaching value to certain relationships, but it's clear that id doesn't "pay" because I seem to be always disappointed by the way some people behave towards me.

Expectations, that's what ruined my life so far.

I have managed to change a lot and almost nullify the amount of sadness that I get every time someone close turns me down, but still I have not learnt to be totally unaffected by it.

So the question is:

How do you rate yourself as a friend? How important is friendship for you?

[7 comments]
Tired and Pizza: [Wednesday 16th June 2010]

Three or four days after I came back to Italy I have started to feel incredibly tired. It might be the weather that does not help, surely the lack of sleep at night also doesn't help too.
Now I am trying with drinking camomile it helps a little.

I guess that there are far too many things going around my head, and a lot of things need to be sorted out quickly, so I am on the "roll" under several points of view, not just the sentimental side.

If all goes to plan this week I might land the new car that I was meant to buy, it will be a used car, as I have to minimize costs.
At the same time the house situation might clear up a little, and there might be the case that I have to plan a quick exit from the present apartment to rent somewhere-else.

The main idea on the house situation is to find some place to actually buy, but I have no clue whatsoever at the moment of what and where I want to buy a house, and that makes things undoubtedly difficult, I guess I need to start seeing something...

At the same time things at work are on the move, I am already planning the trip in July which will be quite long, and as if things were not enough like that the friend with the travel agency that I am helping for the Japanese tours is also in need of much more support on my side as the holidays are drawing closer.

Yesterday I went out with Francesco, after a million years that we didn't go out together for dinner, just the two of us. I guess, well I know, that he read the blog so he wanted to see how I was doing... Nice dinner, nice chat, he also agrees that I need to clear out the clutter that I have in front of me, and by clutter I mean all those practical things that need to be sorted to start over again.

But the bottom line is that I am tired, and I hate being like this... Maybe I should start using those "power drinks" that I bough in Japan?

[2 comments]
Bangladesh and yet another business trip: [Sunday 13th June 2010]

I went to Asia again in May, for a "short" 2 weeks trip.

Finally I got around the editing and uploading of all the pictures that are worth publishing in the blog!

This was an hard task because in Bangladesh I really never got the chance to walk down the streets by myself, and most of the pictures were taken from the car. You might ask yourself why didn't I walk the streets of Dhaka, well, hotel staff and my clients kind of told me that is fine if I am not by myself, but as into venturing all alone even in the nice part of Dhaka can be dangerous (and there is nothing to see).

Yes, Bangladesh being one of the poorest countries in the world and doesn't do anything to make things appearing different. Not yet at least.

I did my fair share of travelling, and I have seen things that are quite "harsh" for us European, but Bangladesh set a new standard, with the beggars, with the debris, with the absent public illumination at night, and all the rest.

But still I liked it. You might think of me as a masochist probably, but it's not like that, there is a lot of potential in a place that is underdeveloped and I think that given some time also Dhaka will rise to better standards.
Moreover all the people that I have met have been totally great.

Under the culinary and cultural point of view I have also quite liked the place. Indian/Bangladeshi cuisine is simply great, and I will not add more to that concept.

Culture is something that an Islamic country has by bucket loads, I remember that one night a friend of my distributor (two actually) sang for us some typical Bangladeshi folk songs. There are a lot of mosques of course, but I did not have enough time to see the "nice" areas apparently, so will have to leave it until next time.

So all in all it was an harsh experience, but one of those experiences that leaves a mark, and to be frank I want to go back again, to see more.

Inevitably this also refreshed my interest in India, which is a country where I only briefly stopped in Deli for a flight connection...
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Caught between swords and thoughts...: [somewhere in between Sunday 6th and Monday 7th June 2010]

Sunday was quite a decent day, after sleeping a LOT MORE than I usually do had some lunch and planned to go in the afternoon with Simone and Federico to a place called Malmantide where they were going to have a sort of medieval parade/festival in the old city. Here are some pics of the day.

The whole thing went down pretty easily, and in the later afternoon we were joined by some other friends (incidentally the ones that were at the "dinner with murder" event some months before).

We even did some archery, and I am proud to say that I managed to win a prize for having hit a very small target, but I'd say that it was fluke rather than skills.

Had some pizza in the night and then back home.

Home...

I guess I left the most important part for last...

As partly announced in the previous posts, things are indeed changing in Florence for me. I longed for change to happen and as usual, when it takes place, it unbalances everything.

Me and Chiara do not live together anymore.

I won't get into too many details on the hows and whys, is not fair. Suffice to say that neither of us did "anything" wrong to the other, an that we certainly have strong feelings for each other.

I realize that it might not be a final decision, but at the moment it is THE decision.

So where does it all leaves me?

I guess that I am in that phase where too many things are rushing to get sorted and I feel I want to sort none of them!

I need to buy a new car (now I am using my grandmother one), I need to move house (maybe I'll buy one, maybe I'll rent it closer to work?), I need to go back to the company after the business trip and must already organize the new one in July, I need to get my bike back from the mechanic (this one not so hard!), mum is going to have a major surgery soon, I help a friend with a tour of Japan and this thing is becoming more like a secondary job that takes a lot of my free time, I need to come to terms with the fact that Chiara is surely hurting and it is me causing the pain (this really drives me crazy) and last but not least:

I am 35, an history of failed relationships and mistakes at my back and looking at the mirror there isn't exactly a youngster anymore (the prospect of spending my life alone is something terrible to just envisage, makes me want to throw up).

It seems that there is a lot going on and so little time to get things done, and I'd really need a real break.
One of those things where you recharge completely. This summer I am going to work instead of actually having holidays so rest will be postponed...

Surely I am tired after this business trip, surely sleep will sort things out.

Surely tomorrow will be a better day,

It has to...
[4 comments]
Four AM and countiung...: [Thursday 3rd June 2010]

Tokyo, 5:27 AM.

From the hotel window I can see that the sun has already decided to take his daily stroll on this part of the terraqueous hemisphere, and as a matter of fact is doesn't seem that it's so early, judging from the light.

An hint on how early it is could be the fact that the moon is still pretty visible, a white dot in the clear blue sky of Japan.

At least the weather did support me in coming here, Singapore and Bangladesh where quite hot and rainy. Jet lag on the contrary made the trip a little harder than normal, but I guess it's something I have learnt to live with when travelling on a business trip.

Many things are about to change especially when I get back to Florence, so this time my coming back (which will happen tomorrow by the way) is something that I both look forward to but also makes me uneasy.

I won't get into many details right now, maybe later, but suffice to say that change albeit difficult to enforce and accept means also that we are ready to step up and try to get life to improve.

So in a way, even if I fail, at least I have tried.

Going back to the trip, Bangladesh was a nice addition to the "carnet" of countries that I have visited, Dhaka is a very harsh place, so I wonder how the rest of Bangladesh must be. There is more than a fair share of poor people, beggars and generally human beings that could do with life giving them a little bit more, but remember that we are talking about one of the poorest countries in the world.
Of course I relate to the high end part of the population that can afford our products, so my time in Bangladesh was actually great, apart from the work activity that was good, my client is very young and we hanged around the Shisha bars of Dhaka and other places at night with his friends.
Everyone speaks English and I loved to be immersed in a different culture where I could ask all the questions that sprang into my mind. Definitely got to come back there!

Singapore was Singapore, and I really stayed only 1 day, and after that on the plane again to Japan, where I managed to meet Kutsunugi san and then now attending the fair at Tokyo Big Site (Interior Lifestyle). One good thing of the new hotel where I am staying is that there is a public bath (大浴場) and I love the bath culture in Japan so I spent there a bit of time boiling myself in the hot water and resting my mind...

Ok that's it! Time to start preparing for today's challenges!
[2 comments]

Lox, Lorenzo... ME!!: A little introduction about the author and the blog itself. Plus contacts and CVs... You never know!
Pictures: A Selection of the best pictures that I have taken all over the world during the years, all nicely indexed by year and geographical area. Jolly good!
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