Another spin of the wheel
Posted on 2010/07/17 15:59:16 (July 2010).
[Saturday 17th July 2010]
Sometimes I stop and think.
I used to do it a lot, then I realized that I was hurting myself far too much with all those nice "movies" that my head managed to think up, and thanks to a lot of efforts I managed to let it slide a little.
Not that I have anything against daydreaming, I love to do it, it's just that I used to feel like when you are actually having a great dream, that seems reality, and all of a sudden your mum comes into the room and the last things you hear before seeing the dream slipping out of sight are "TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL! WAKE UP!"...
I mean, imagine this: you having a great dream, where you are a superhero, where your smarts saved the day, the world, the company, whatever. The mandatory Hollywood babe is there begging for that little "sumthing sumthing" (or even more if you are already into the more hardcore version of the dream), and all of a sudden when you look down at her (she is kneeling), her face quickly looks at you like the kid in the Exorcist, and that beautiful face grimaces in an expression mixed between annoyance and sleep and tells you "Time to go to school, get up!!".
Ok I probably took the long path to describe why limiting pointless thinking is good for you. In the end you always end up disappointed.
Going back to the main topic, yesterday I was thinking.
I looked at my life in the past 11 years, always on the move travelling, and that nasty pang of dissatisfaction hit me straight in the face.
I guess that after the recent events a lot of certainties have fallen apart and I have a strong desire to start living my life again here in Florence. But the reality of things is that I am trapped in this line of business where I get to travel a lot in places that after so many years are a bit dry for me, I have seen them all, "..been there, bought the T-shirt..." feeling.
And now that things were kind of picking up a little with new friends, new sports, new things to do, I have to leave. Mind you not for 2 weeks and be happy with it, for SIX BLEEDING WEEKS... All Summer gone, I will not have any holidays this round, mostly because I will be taking a group of 24 people around Japan as a sort of tour leader of a trip that I organized for a friend that has a travel agency.
It's not the holidays that I will miss, I will miss the opportunities of meeting people, chill out, maybe even find some woman, who knows!
I travel far too much and it's starting to affect my life as a whole and I am not happy. I hope that I can pick it up from where I left it in September, and I hope that I can actually bring it forward despite all the hurdles, I hope that the friends will still be there, that those honeys I saw at the bar yesterday will still be there, I hope that Florence will decide to stand still for a month and half.
But the reality is that she won't, so I am daydreaming again... :(
What am I going to be in the future if I keep living on a plane?
In the end the feeling that I have, and the "movie" that I made yesterday was of me playing at the famous "wheel of Fortune", and always getting "skip one turn"... :(
Another spin of the wheel....
Off we go!
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