I don't Understand

Posted on 2007/06/10 10:28:15 (June 2007).

[Saturday 9th June 2007]

Today it was a quite uneventful Saturday, shaken by a massive argument that ensued with Chiara.

Two or three days ago she asked me if it was ok for her to go to Morocco, with a friend of her, as they had planned this trip all their life and she's never been there. The trip is at the end of the month.

Well, I am a nice guy, I believe in freedom in a couple so if she wants to go with her friends I am not going to stop her.

No problems here.

Then two days ago it comes out the fact that she has yet to start her thesis to get over with her degree.

It has to be said that she works 7 days a week at the hotel, so she doesn't have all the time in the world to write it, and she asked my "help" to write the paper.
I told her that I cannot help her on a subject that I know nothing about, so I would look at the index to get an idea of the sort of material that she might need, then maybe I can help her look for data on the internet (that she proudly hate to use...).

This Saturday I wanted to go out with my friends, of course she was invited, but since now she has to leave and the professor told her that in order to have the thesis reviewed and corrected she needs to had it in by the end of the month, she's getting all jumpy about it.

The moral of the story is that she asked me to go to stay at her place after dinner so that she would feel compelled to study.
I replied that I find quite strange that she needs to have a guardian dog that barks when she is sleepy, if I am to give help I would like to have an active part, not just "wake up lady!!"...

I said that I preferred to go out with my friends and of course it now turns out that this thesis is of paramount importance to her and that I don't give a damn about it, therefore I am an ogre with no feelings whatsoever.

I then suggest that she cancel the impending trip to Morocco if the thesis is so important to her, but apparently the trip is on a different level of importance so it doesn't come into the picture...

In the end I stayed over after dinner (we had a dinner with her parents) and managed to understand that she doesn't even know where to start from, nor has an idea on how a thesis is made. Of course this is quite normal as well, nobody knows how to write a thesis before you actually do one, but this means that we are really at point zero on this business and time is quite "short".

Needless to say that there is no help that can be given under these conditions, though she wanted to read aloud some notes that she has so that maybe we could get some ideas on what to write about ('nuff said)....

I have tried to give my ideas on how a thesis should be started, but it's clear that my method is not good for her, so in the end I started looking for data on the net, based on few details that I had, and managed to find some papers.

Then it was late and I left, but it seems that things are going to be quite slow and all I can say is that I can see troubles ahead....

Well Lorenzo, it sounds to me like a classic case of someone getting stressed about something, and then lashing out about it to the person closest to them, simply because they are there and they'll listen, and absolutely nothing to do with whether or not they had anything to do with the core problem.

Unfortunately human beings are quite imperfect, and so this sort of situation is very common. It's all part and parcel of "being in a relationship" that sometimes you get dumped on when you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Generally speaking it is a very special privilege to be able to share your life with someone else. Occasionally though it is a bloody pain in the arse.

I suspect this will all blow over, however my advice would be to bend over backwards to assist during this time - I agree with you it is completely unreasonable for you to have to give up your social life so you can spend a dreary evening in with the other half sharpening pencils and making cups of tea for her, but in the end you have to weigh up the pros and cons. Canceling an evening with your friends will result in them taking the piss out of you for a while, but they'll get over it. On the other hand, not being around for your girlfriend when she (however unreasonably) decides she needs you, will create a permanent entry in the "grievances database" which we all know to be part of the female brain.

Posted by John at 2007/06/11 22:47:08.

John: Couldn't agree more, that's why I stayed over that night and yesterday she come at my place to "study" while after a while I decided that I was better off playing computer games, but at least I was "there". Oh well, let's see how it develops, I have told her that I'd be happy to review stuff from the thesis once they are sketched at least...

Posted by Lox at 2007/06/12 08:01:26.

Ladies are completely different creatures to "us chaps". Beautiful, intelligent though they may be... John's point about the grievance database is spot-on! :)

Posted by Nigel at 2007/06/12 08:53:34.

I know this is a bit after the event, but I've just returned from a glorious week in Scotland.

It is blatantly obvious that no other woman reads any of the ramblings, or you wouldn't have got away with this for a week!

I think it should be added that "we" that is the girlfriend/wife does her bit as well. How many of them have stood on touchlines, sat and watched men hitting a ball about a field and saying "oh well played" when we would rather be at home in front of the telly watching a girlie movie. And how many of us have pussyfooted around a man whilst they watch above on the telly, and put up with shouting when something good happens, and grief when the referee does something they don't approve of.

Come on Lox it's not like you to be such a grouch. Remember this will only last for a short time - football and other sports last a lifetime.

And John, I'm sure Chie puts up with your waxing lyrical over the odd bottle of whiskey!!! Incidentally I agree with most of what you say except the last sentence or so.

Posted by Mad Mumsie at 2007/06/17 10:01:05.

Hi.
I am Leyla.
By mistake I came over this page.
I was shocked by the lack of humanity, but the cheapness of the ego and the bitterness of the writer.
I write this comment hoping that Mr. Loxcentric will feel complelled to think that relatioships are made by good and bad and that even even good and bad can be perceived differently.
Apparently Mr. Writer considers relationship (and women) a kind of decoration of his life he can switch on and off if they became demanding in things he does not give a dammn for.
I wish myself and my daughter not to meet someone as cold , as dry, ad poor as he seems to be from his writing and from sharing his life from a computer, as it could be a protesis of his heart, if he still have some parts of it left.
I wish myself and my daughter not to have to read about her relationship on a silly on-line open diary where her faults are displayed and she's described as an inferior, stupid living being conceived to create trouble is she does not simply stay in a corner and smile.
I wish all of you not to be infected by such meanness of soul and go on enjoying life, love, friendhship, and life as it comes.
A real hug is real, helpful and replenish your all being.
Good by
Leyla.

Posted by Leyla at 2007/07/02 16:36:23.

Leyla, you're a silly girl. A feminist of the wrong kind: une femme frustrée!

Posted by Sheri at 2008/02/22 17:33:58.

Post a comment