At Night

Posted on 2005/12/21 23:29:57 (December 2005).

[Between 21st and 22nd December 2005]

Nights.
They have always been an hurdle for me, I am normally a rather nervous person, mostly because of my job, and I have many memories of nights spent rolling in the bed trying to sleep, with no actual success.

Nights.
They are made to give you pressure, you always feel that you HAVE to do something this or that evening, that the night is too short, that you are missing out on something if you stay at home.

Nights.
I have spent the last 5 years doing mostly nothing at nightime, no disco, no party, no alchool, no nothing. It was ok when the day was full of interesting things to do, but what happens when the day is a boring ball of boredom rolling on and off your brain?
What happens is that you realize that tonight it might have been good to go out with some friends.

Nights.
I still cannot sleep, I KNOW that tonight I will not sleep, so I am trying to delay the inevitable, without kidding myself into thinking that it will be different today, because it won't be.

The thing that I hate most is the fact that it seems all like wasted time, I could be doing something else, but for some strange non-written rule I never get up and do it (read a book, write something, eat), because it's not meant to be like that.

Nights.
I seem to live them only here in Florence, when I go out, meet friends, maybe just go to the cinema and a pizza, but it's not enough, I feel as if I was given a glass of water after 3 months in the desert!

Oh night, tonight, some rest...

Please

Well, if you have achieved nothing else during your time off, you at least have this very poetic article to look back on in years to come!

I know it's not really the same thing, but last night I read back through my journal for the time I was in America - I moaned pretty much every single day about how I didn't want to be there. Strangely though I found it quite interesting to read back through my own thoughts afterwards.

I suggest you try to document this period of unpleasantness as much as possible! That way when you have finally made a full recovery you can look back on it and see the contrast!

Posted by John at 2005/12/22 13:30:48.

John's right - despite the sleep deprivation you've still written very poetically! Does it help to write about what you're going through? Anyway, I guess you should just take each day as it comes and each day you'll get closer to a full recovery - it may not seem like it at the time, but the pain and sleepless nights won't last forever! I hope you're able to enjoy some of the festivities. Wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year! I look forward to reading about your further adventures in 2006...I'm sure there's lots of good times ahead!

Posted by Caroline at 2005/12/22 15:28:22.

Shoot yourself !

Posted by Sheri at 2005/12/22 16:45:31.

Thanks guys! The aim of the post was slightly poetic/prosaic so at least my writing skills are still there! :)

Yes it's just a bad spell probably and I will certainly read the posts afterwards, just to make me remember how it was, I find the blog a good thing to look at it puts a lot of things in prospective!

Sheri: 10 days ago if I had a gun I would have done it. 10 days ago the pain was really unbeareable!! :)

Posted by Lox at 2005/12/23 12:18:22.

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