Thursday 7th October 2005 - Weddigns

Posted on 2005/10/07 13:20:12 (October 2005).

Today I was invited to Claudio and Miriam 's Wedding. Had to take a day off from work, which is not that bad after all, several other colleagues were invited too, as Claudio was working in our division until 6 months ago, and now has been moved to a different place (still within the same company though).

The day was rather bad, weather-wise, but all the rest was marvellous.

Had to dress up properly, funnily enough I wrote that rant on clothes few days earlier, and I was not in the mood for fancy dresses, but the occasion requires some proper suiting and even if I wanted to wear a nice purple jumper, I had to change that with a common shirt/tie combo after several comments made by Marta in the morning.

The wedding took place in the usual church setting.
I am much against this kind of ceremonies, and yet again the wedding served as a reminder that if I ever get married it will never be in a church. I really don't like it; it wouldn't have any meaning for me.
For many people it seems that marrying in a church has a special meaning, brings some special thrills. My point is that marriage is a contract in the end, I like the celebrations with my friends and family, but I cannot understand the church use in this. In the past they had a meaning, today it's just a show.
It's a church wedding more "valid" than another? I would feel a hypocrite if I was going to marry in a church, I don't believe in God, I'd do it just because this is the way it "should" be done.

Interestingly enough Marta seems to have the complete opposite opinion, she's a Christian believer after all and I guess it's understandable... I'll skip any comment on future plans and everything.

We then moved to the restaurant place after the ritual pictures, and we have had a marvellous wedding lunch, going from 14; 30 till 19:30 when we decided to leave. The menu was great, high quality and abundant.

All in all a great day, I was totally happy for Claudio and Miriam, and a bit envious because they are going to fly to the Mauritius islands on Monday!

At the end of the day, inevitably, I started wandering how would I organize my wedding.
First of all no churches, it has to be done in Florence's "Palazzo Vecchio" (the city hall). As for food I am quite puzzled, as I wouldn't know if I want to go for a posh place or not, but I am sure that I will not have any live band playing as I hate dancing! I'd like to invite the strict friends and family, not because I am stingy (which I am!!), but because I am not at ease thinking that the spotlight will be on me that day!

Having said that I am 100% positive that the counterpart (whoever she might be) will change it all, and I'll end up in a church with kids and millions of people and maybe even a speech or something. The simple thought of it makes me want to be the first "runaway groom" in history!!

I was firmly opposed to getting married in a church. But, Christelle wore me down and down till I capitulated. Did it to please the grandmothers, too. What really put me off was the photographic session I had to endure a few hours before the ceremony. You know, posing in a park, with a polluted lake and dirty swans in the background ... It was so unatural and 'petit bourgeois'. I was furious.

Posted by Sheri at 2005/10/07 14:29:05.

You are describing my worst nightmare... !!!

Posted by Lox at 2005/10/08 10:37:30.

Lox, being that I'm a tremendously self centred and vain person, I don't like weddings largely because somebody else is at the centre of attention, and the role of any guests is just to sit there and think "oh aren't they a lovely couple?", and all that horse shit.

I have been to a few weddings over the last few years, some I have enjoyed to some extent, some I have found myself looking around for an exit.

I don't despise church ceremonies per se - although I'm pretty agnostic, some members of my family are quite religous. I quite admire the conviction sometimes - for people who do genuinely believe it seems quite appropriate that they have the ceremony in a church... so long as it's not a bloody catholic ceremony, as they seem to last for hours.

Still though, I often end up with this uncomfortable and irritable feeling at weddings. Sometimes this occurs in the church, sometimes at the reception afterwards. I would love to talk to a psychiatrist about this one day, I am not totally sure what it is all about.

Partly I think it is just being very self centred, and not liking a day where I am the proverbial "pork chop at a bar mitzvah". Partly it could be down to coming from a "broken home" and having experienced a number of divorces as a child. Perhaps there is also frustration at seeing people whose lives are settled and really sorted out, who have their future all planned out etc.

I used to say I really liked going to weddings - you know, any excuse for a free party etc... Now I am really beginning to think I don't actually like them.

Posted by John at 2005/10/08 24:09:58.

Yes, the more I think about it, the more I think it's the "Look at us, look how wonderful and happy we are together" bit that pisses me off about weddings. The whole event serves basically that purpose alone doesn't it? You could call it a "celebration of love" or something else equally bollocks-ridden, but what it really boils down to is a festival of showing off. For single people it must be a nightmare, for couples it is probably equally bad, as the no doubt unrealistic impression you get at weddings of this perfect couple is a great way of highlighting all the problems you have in your own relationship....

...and the happy couple can be so fucking pompous can't they? OK, yes, you have to let them, it's their day and all that. You have to grin and bear it, tell the bride she looks beautiful, shake the groom's hand and tell him he's a lucky man, make some chummy joke about "You'd better look after her, or else!", ho ho!

...and then there's the shitty superficial conversation you have to make with the other weddings guests. Absolutely everyone has to be on their utter best behaviour because it's a wedding and it's their day and everyone has to get on and like each other.... and as a result you can guarantee at some point you'll get stuck in a conversation with the most nauseating / boring / hate filled person you've ever met, but you have to keep nodding and smiling and saying "that's nice" becuase it's their day and you wouldn't want to spoil it by headbutting the tosser who has trapped you in a corner and talked shit to you for three quarters of an hour.

The more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to come round to the conclusion that actually I hate weddings!

Posted by John at 2005/10/08 24:22:07.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get that all of my chest Lox :)

I feel much better now!

Posted by John at 2005/10/08 24:27:05.

You could always take the other view... I'm from a "broken Home" (aged 8 at the time) and went through all the emotional upheaval the splitting parents sometimes miss their kids going through. So then, my view was I myself was going to make marriage work. Not because I was proving a point (ok, I am), but by picking a "good sort" to marry (and all the other soppy stuff), then aiming to avoid all those split-making pitfalls. Time will tell I guess... The actual marriage ceremony, I quite agree, is not exactly pleasant. Everyone else enjoyed it. Not me though... Worth it though...

Posted by Nigel at 2005/10/08 19:56:32.

I am from a "broken home" too, and I guess that this might affect they way one thinks about such events. I have to agree with John, (it was the precise intention of the main post) that these kind of celebrations give you an image of the marriage that it's totally different from what marriage actually is. Moreover the fact that you have to behave in a certain way makes me cringe from the start.
I like marriages now as they give me the chance to see my friends. Either than that you eat well, but any dancing or mindless chit-chat with unknown people is rather dull and has nothing to do with the cerimony.
Men are strange beasts, we can rape our instincts because things are meant to be like that, social animals...MMmmmm

Posted by Lox at 2005/10/09 11:05:15.

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